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Every Day is Valentine’s Day

Reflecting on the past Valentine’s Day and weekend, I wonder what life would be like if every day was Valentine’s day or if we had multiple “Valentine’s” days a month. It was sweet to see people spend a little extra care on their friends, significant others, and family members to make them feel special and loved on Valentine’s Day or throughout the weekend. Love, as they say, was in the air.

Something else in the air at times was stress and pressure. I noticed so much pressure, work and expectations that people had for each other and others during the Valentine’s day season. I wondered how many were doing it to look like a “good” significant other, because you “have to” or to one-up your friends, partner, family, co-workers etc. On the other hand, I know people that celebrate “Valentine’s day” regularly in the little things such as date night; making dinner for their tired significant other after a long day; taking the trash out. And it isn’t just for couples; friends and families that support a friend through a tough time, buy flowers for a parent, send a nice text message or phone call to cheer a friend up, etc.

If Valentine’s day happened continuously throughout the month or year, the drama and significance would reduce. It would be because people love each other and want to support and take care of the other person. Imagine what would happen if we lived in that world where you love and support a friend, family member, or your significant other because you love them and they mean so much to you in your life. It could create a world where love is always in the air.

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Regrets Can Be Inspirational

Wow, it’s 2019! So far my year started with a nasty, lingering cold that has humbled me and not allowed me to be as active as I would like starting the new year; hence the delay getting the first blog out of the year. Let’s start the new year talking about how regrets can be inspirational.

The big bad word called Regrets. It is in a lot of cliches, warnings for the future and can be the source of pain and suffering internally for people. Regrets, unfortunately, are inevitable but they don’t have to be a bad thing. With making decisions on a daily, moment-by-moment basis; having regrets are going to happen. Whether it is the guy or girl in college that could have been the “one”, having a donut or two that a co-worker brought into work, being angry or distance from a close relative before their death, not traveling more, or not getting enough sleep last night; we have regrets throughout our life.

The real question is “what are you going to do with your regret?”. If you ate the donut, you can create a plan around your health and well being to not eat it next time. However, if the regret looks insurmountable to be at peace with, such as your grandfather passing away, for example, and you regret the time you didn’t spend with him because you gave up on having a relationship with him; there are other things you can do to create closure and be at peace with that regret. Write him a letter, hang a picture of him on your wall, or share his life and who he was with other people to keep his memory alive. These things may bring you peace and it may take practice to learn what works for you.

What is key is how that regret impacts the future. How are you going to treat people including yourself (i.e. donuts) in the future such that you don’t have regrets? When a family member, friend or stranger hurts you and you would normally respond in anger or cutting them out of your life; what is a way you can respond differently? We react and then we usually regret the reaction and the impact it had on us and others. We can choose how we react; beating ourselves up for eating a donut; for losing a friendship or family member during a period of anger or distance; or buying the ugly trinket on a vacation without a place to put it in your house.

Additionally, before reacting, people fail to ask what is behind that person’s actions or words. Before reacting, pause and ask yourself, “what is underneath their action, comment or reaction they are having?” By getting that deeper understanding of what and why they are doing or saying something and what you are actually reacting to, you have the opportunity to maintain the loving relationship, lead by example other ways to interact and react and most importantly have a clear conscience without regrets.

First step is awareness and letting go of the scariness that comes from regret of what you have or have not done in the past along with potential regrets in the future actions or inaction. Embrace regrets as a vehicle to design your future as well as your moment-by-moment decisions. Allow them to inspire you in the future to do, say and react without regrets including creating what you want and how you want to live and interact with people in the future. Put the regrets to work to inspire your future!

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Gratitude

Inside of my last post I spoke of unconditional love including receiving that contribution and love. This post will be all about being grateful. This was a tough week for me and I was present to how easily balance in my life goes out and the little things that friends and family can do to impact us being balanced.

Inside of the stress this week, I was not tending to me. I was not being as productive; was not eating or not eating healthy; not keeping my newly started exercise routines; and overall allowing myself to be taken out by the stress. In those moments, in the past, I would beat myself up for not being perfect, not being strong enough to handle everything, eating that burrito, etc. I had a moment one night this week where I stopped the stress and reaction to the stress. What I did instead was sang one of my new favorite songs, Joy by For King & Country, at the top of my lungs driving home, walked around my neighborhood which reminded me of the power of physical activity to relieve stress (something I have only started to discover and embrace) and ate a healthy, good meal. 

Prior to coming to that moment of stopping the stress and tending to myself, I had friends reminding me to breathe and asking me “how are you”. I spent time with a friend who took me out for an early birthday dinner and after that dinner, I was again calm, at peace and balanced. As I was looking over the last week, I realized that I have created an amazing community around me and that inside of that community each friend and family member contributes to me in different ways. Some friends are good at calming me down, others are great at challenging me to do new things, and others still, are great at just letting me be silly and crazy. If not for the people in my life, I would not have been able to stop the reaction to stress that night this week. I would not be centered and balanced again today and writing this blog.

Over my life until recently, I have pursued the “shoulds” we have been taught by society; having a beautiful house, nice car, perfect family, lots of money, good job, etc. And what I have discovered newly this week is that the magic and miracles of this life exists inside of the people and communities we surround ourselves with. It is in the people that we call friends and family, whether they are blood family or a created family. It is in how we leave people after each interaction with them and vice versa. It is in being human and vulnerable and allowing ourselves to receive contribution and love from others. It is perfect that the last blog was about Saying Yes and receiving contribution and love because this week what showed up was an opportunity to receive just that. This is what I’m grateful for today. What are you grateful for in your life today?

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Starting the Journey

“Man this sucks!” Or some version of that is how much we live our lives wondering how we got to the place we are at; where did the month, year or 10 years go. Some things are amazing like falling in love, getting married, having children but those are tiny moments within a lifetime of moments. So how do we create more moments like these? Especially when we are constantly running to get to work, running to meetings and calls during work, running to pick up the kids or to the gym if you have time, running home, working some more or dulling the day with TV, a drink or just going to sleep to start it all over. Inside this “rat race”, how do we live in the moment? What does that even mean?

I define “a moment” as a moment where you can say “Wow”, “Beautiful”, “Amazing”, “I feel alive”, “I feel free”, etc; a time or moment where you are super present to what you see or are doing. These are the moments that remind us we are alive. So the question is how do we do that during the running to here and then running to there of our day. How do we complete our day filled up and not drained?

You know when you are planning a vacation; you prepare all the details. You rush and worry about preparing everything before you leave like house sitting for the pets, wrapping up the loose ends at work, ensure you have all the supplies you need. Then it is worrying about getting to the airport or the destination; then you stress over the itinerary that you created of everything that you want to do or see. Then you worry about getting home on time so the rest of your schedule isn’t messed up. You come back more exhausted then you left and may not have even enjoyed your trip. I can’t tell you how many times I hear or say; “I need a vacation from my vacation!”

My mission is to have regular amazing people that are busy and stressed find the small wow moments in their average day and activity. Take on finding in one activity, experience, moment; something positive. Your kids are arguing and you normally would be pissed off because you want quiet; at that moment, you can watch them for a split second and say, wow look at the self-expressed kids I raised.

I will never forget I just leased a new car and one month to the day, I was rear-ended waiting at a stop light to turn. Normally, I would be anxious, frustrated, pissed, overwhelmed with one more thing I have to deal with. But when I got out of my car and she got out of her, she said “I’m so sorry. My mom just passed away last week. I knew I shouldn’t be driving yet and this happened when my dad died too. I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I did this.” She is sobbing as she is talking and frazzled while trying to find her paperwork. I said “It is ok. Things happen and I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t image what you are dealing with.” She looked at me so surprised because she thought I was going to reacted pissed off, yell at her etc. And instead I showed compassion. It surprised me too the way I responded. She profusely thanked me; had a smile on her face and was so appreciative of my words when we parted. That was a moment in that day for me. What I didn’t know was coming was seven months later almost to the day I would lose my mom as well.

Where are you going to find your “Wow”, “Beautiful”, “I feel alive moments” during your average normal daily routines? Let’s explore together what living in the moment, one moment at a time will be like and how it will impact us. Take this journey with me!